Bar Magnum
by XSilverLiningsX
Summary: [Bartender AU, Hurk/Kai, others] Inspired by and based on Joh Araki's Bartender manga and anime.
1. Chapter 1

**This 19 page, 5.7k word monstrosity is for Esther, since she been asking for something Kai-centric since forever.**

* * *

╣ **Chapter One **╠

* * *

In one of the less populated areas of downtown Rocheste, _Bar Magnum_ finally quieted down as the 8 o'clock happy-hour rush of customers jumped back into the never-sleeping nightlife for enjoyments of the seedier kind, leaving the rustic establishment devoid of patrons for the time being.

"Well, looks like our shift's over. Want to get some dinner after cleaning up?" Vella untied her apron and stuffed it into her traveling bag with a look of disgust at the beer stains that she would have to wash off later at her apartment's laundry facility.

"Sure, but we have to pick up Fiona first. Her car broke in the morning, so she doesn't have a ride back. Oh, and I can't stay too late out like last time since I have classes in the morning, too." To her left, Lann expertly balanced six shot glasses in one hand as he carefully organized the washed glassware back into their appropriate places.

"Not a problem, then." Vella took one of the cleaning rags and began to wipe down the bar counter. The thick slab of polished mahogany was old, probably even older than the building itself, but the lack of large dents or deep scratches on the surface attested to how well the wood had been treated over the years. The same went for the bar stools and the smaller tables scattered around the room.

Half an hour later, as the two workers started on their last tasks for the day – taking out the trash and arranging the chairs back into their proper positions – the heavy cedar door that was the entrance to the bar opened smoothly without so much as a creak of noise from the well-oiled hinges.

Vella tucked in one last chair with a quiet scrape and a dusted her hands with an appreciative grin on her face when she saw who had just walked in. "Hey, you're here earlier than usual!"

Not at all swayed by Vella's leering (it was a normal occurrence that had very little, or none at all, effect on her friends), Kai shrugged a shoulder and walked over to the space behind the bar. Once there, he set down his messenger bag and divested himself of his suit jacket and tie, both of which were then hung on one of the hooks that decorated the employee's door to the backrooms. Kai was in the middle of checking that all the serving glasses and mixing tools were spotlessly clean when the employee's door opened and Lann emerged with his book bag slung over his shoulder.

"Oh, hey boss. Everything's cleaned up like you wanted and the ice was refilled, so we'll be going now." Lann edged around the other man and practically tripped over himself in excitement as he barely restrained himself from running over to the front door. Vella waved over her shoulder and then the two joined the world outside of the bar with their usual noisy and youthful clamor.

When the door shut behind them, Kai held up a tumbler to the light and sighed when he could still see faintly smudged imprints of someone's fingers on the glass.

_Those kids_…

With a clean cloth, Kai began to clean the few still-dirty glasses that had escaped the notices of his novices.

…_Why did I hire them again? Oh, right, I owed a favor to the two's previous employer, who swore they were good workers and just needed a little more 'training'…_

The door to the bar opened, and Kai glanced over to see a man in a double-breasted charcoal suit. The man was extremely tall (_nearly one head taller, and Kai considered himself to be taller than average already_) and broad enough that if his muscles had been a smidgeon bigger, he probably wouldn't have fit through the door. The man's young-looking face, however, was beginning to form permanent lines from stress, and the tight frown that pulled at his lips was only just one of the indicators of how badly his day most likely had went.

The man gave the empty room a cursory look before taking a seat on the middle barstool. "Just a whiskey on the rocks, please. I hope you don't mind if I smoke."

Despite the civil tone, Kai could clearly hear that the man's request to smoke wasn't really a question – it had been stated more like a fact that oozed with authority.

"I don't." Kai turned to make the drink with quick, efficient movements.

The man didn't take his eyes off the bartender's hands as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a metal cigarette tin along with a gold-plated zippo. He opened the tin, which revealed a complete set of Dunhill cigarettes, and selected one at random. He lit up his chosen stick with a precise flick of his thumbs and stowed away the tin and the lighter.

A thin cloud of cigarette smoke was released quietly and respectfully not in the direction of the bartender.

When the drink was served – the glass sitting on top of a simple coaster, of course – the man picked it up but didn't drink. Instead, he brought the glass up to his face and took a sniff of the alcohol.

"Twin Wood Single Malt. How old?"

"Sixteen." Kai steeled himself for the outcome.

"Not bad. Not bad at all." The man took a cautious sip of the drink and froze.

Then, his handsome face lit up.

"This is… absolutely excellent!" After a moment, the man reigned in the joy in his face and composed himself, but there were still traces of happiness that couldn't be hidden. "If I hadn't watched you make this, I'd be convinced you'd tricked me somehow! How did you…"

"I see a tired man sitting in front of me." Kai couldn't help but lean slightly against the bar counter, smirking inwardly as the other man sat up straighter in his seat with an attentive look. The cigarette was all but forgotten as it slowly burned a ghostly trail upwards that dissipated into the dimmed lights above. "He hasn't gone home in days because of work and hasn't slept well because of the stress."

"How did you know that?" The man's eyes widened in surprise; he clearly wasn't used to being read so easily by a stranger. Then, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Have you been following me?"

Kai gave him a bland stare, as if to say _Are you that stupid? Or are you just supremely sleep deprived? Probably both._

"Instead of sleeping or eating, you've been drinking to an excess. I gave the whiskey a water cut because the normal grade would've been too strong."

"But the taste…" The man's brow furrowed as he took another sip, a larger one this time. "The taste didn't change. It always does when you add water."

Kai gestured to the ice chunks in the tumbler. "Hard ice keeps the flavor."

The man was silent for a long time after that, steadily sipping his way through his drink and taking small puffs from his cigarette, but his entire expression showed that he was lost in thought. Kai went back to polishing a few more glasses just to keep his hands busy.

After nearly an hour of pure silence – no other customer had come in through the door despite how late it was – the man said, "How did you know I was… struggling?"

"What are bars for?" Kai nailed the guy with another bland stare (this one said, _Are you really that unobservant?_).

The man sat back, took another drag of his cigarette, and began to laugh.

"You've got me." The man stubbed out his cigarette on the provided ashtray and got up from his seat. He pulled out his wallet and deposited a crisp $100 bill on the bar counter. "I'll be back tomorrow. Save my seat!"

With a parting wave over his shoulder, the man walked out of the bar with a barely-there skip in his step. Kai waited until the door closed fully before snorting.

_Typical businessman_… _but a strange man_…

Kai went over to pick up the cash – seriously, $100? The drink only cost $10 – and the glass. Underneath the base of the tumbler was a small card.

On the front, it read:

* * *

_Hurk Terminus_

_CEO of Royal Rocheste Hotel Chains_

_1530 Old World St., Rocheste, NA 85034_

* * *

Oh great, the businessman owned the whole block of upper-class hotels a couple of intersections over. Not surprising.

Vaguely interested, Kai flipped the card over. The nearly illegible scrawl read:

* * *

_I would buy you a drink, _

_but then I'd be jealous of the glass._

_### – 947 – 4285_

* * *

Kai stared.

And stared.

And stared some more at the absolutely_awful_ pick up line.

Then he slipped the card in his wallet, picked up the used whiskey tumbler, and began cleaning up what little mess there was.


	2. Chapter 2

_Contains minor Evie/Karok and Ceara/Marrec._

* * *

╣ **Chapter Two **╠

* * *

It was a crisp and cool night in downtown Rocheste, and Kai was spending his 6 PM waiting for _someone_ in an open-patio café.

The same _someone_ who was ten minutes late.

Kai shooed away an overly attached waitress with a curt, "No, thank you," as she tried several times to refill his coffee and unobtrusively slip him a piece of paper with her phone number on it at the same time. He caught her with every attempt she tried, and with each passing second his temper was rising.

Forcing himself to simmer down, Kai tugged at the high collar of his black turtleneck. Perhaps he shouldn't have worn this particular sweater today, but all of his dress shirts were in the wash, so…

A shrill shout from a young girl – actually, more like a young woman – from across the street barely caught his attention as he leaned back and watched some people meander by, their hands full of shopping, young children, or pets.

The sudden tackle-hug from the side, however, did surprise him.

Not to mention the large breasts that his face was currently smashed in-between.

"I haven't seen you in forever, Kai!"

"…"

"So, how are you! How's the bar? What's new in Rocheste?"

"…"

"Why aren't you saying something?"

"…"

"OH! Oh! Sorry! I forget, sometimes, how much I've grown… hehe…."

Kai refrained from wiping at his face with his sleeve – it would've been a terribly childish thing to do – and instead gestured for the young woman to take the empty seat next to him.

"Would you like something to eat or drink, Evie?"

Evie picked up the menu for a moment, reading quickly through the choices of coffees, teas, ice creams, and pastries, before setting it down with a shake of her head.

"I'll decline, since I'm going to be meeting another friend soon for dinner and a tour of her house."

Kai's lips twitched as he held back a smile. It wasn't everyday that Evie, the ultimate devourer of all things sweet and expensive, turned down a free sugary snack. But, as she said, she had other things to do during her very recent trip back into the city after several years abroad in Europe with her medical studies.

Evie leaned forward, happiness radiating from every pore in her body. "It's really, really nice to come home after so long. How are you doing, big brother?"

"Well enough. The bar, too. The nightlife _has_ gotten richer." Kai busied himself with drinking his half-full mug of coffee to hide the small smile on his face that had escaped his control. "And yourself?"

"Well, I've got a boyfriend!" Evie lit up even more as she gestured wildly, "His name's Karok and he's tall, like taller than you, and has all these muscles! You should see his biceps – they're huge! Oh, oh, he's also a vet, since he's really good with animals…"

Evie went on and on about her boyfriend, and Kai contented himself with nodding at the appropriate times and making brotherly noises at certain points during her expositions about the summer trips to England, China, and Japan she had taken with the so-called giant of a man.

Kai didn't really mind his sister's ramblings, especially since he hadn't seen her for nearly five years until today, and despite his low tolerance for incredibly talkative people, his sister did, in fact, know when to stop talking. She just liked to have other people believe she talked too much and therefore was too cutesy to be of any harm, when in reality she had finished medical school before she had hit her twenties and was as smart as a whip and just as talented with surgical knives.

"… so, did you get a boyfriend while I was gone?"

Kai nearly spat out his coffee at a bundled-up family of four who were slowly inching their way down the sidewalk. He swallowed the mouthful of coffee and turned to glare at Evie, who played innocent.

"Well? Do you or not?"

Kai paused. "Why a boyfriend?"

Evie rolled her eyes. "Because you shook your head when I asked if you had a girlfriend!"

Well, he'd have to listen more carefully from now on. He must've been out of practice.

"No."

"Are you sure?" Evie's pout was legendary, but as her brother, Kai was immune.

"Yes."

"Then what's this?" With a cheeky grin on her face, Evie held up a white business card that had a telephone number scrawled on the back. _That_ card.

"Give me that!" Kai snatched the card away from Evie and tucked it back into his wallet with a snarl. "I thought you've grown up and stopped pickpocketing my things by now."

"Party pooper." Evie childishly plunked her face into her hands and stuck out her tongue. She lifted her head back up when an expensive car slowly drove by, parked by the curb, and honked once.

"Ooh, that's my friend! Hey, Ceara!" Evie waved at the compact maroon BMW that idled.

A woman poked her head out and smiled at Evie. "Hey, Evie! Sorry I was late! I had a few things I forgot to do before I left the condo!"

"That's alright!" Evie gathered up her bag and turned to leave, but turned right back around to Kai with another beaming smile. "Come with us!"

"No. Go have fun." Kai put down $20 for the overpriced coffee and tip fee, and hoped that he would never have to come to this café ever again. Ever.

"Come on~!" Evie latched onto his arm and tried dragging him.

Kai frowned, but then allowed his sister to do as she pleased. Just this once.

"Fine."

"Woohoo!"

Kai then found himself being introduced to Ceara, a young woman with flaming red hair and a soft smile, and then shoved into the backseat of the BMW.

Fun.

* * *

"And since this is your five-years wedding anniversary, I've decided to bring you some cocktail service!" Evie's bubbly voice was a total mismatch to Kai's twitching eyebrow and the deepening frown on his face when the three finally arrived at the condominium that Ceara and her husband were staying at.

"So you did have an ulterior motive for meeting me today…" Kai barely kept the growl out of his voice. Today had been his day off! _He'd specifically taken this day off so he could see his sister, who he hadn't heard from in five years_!

Evie at least had the decently to look mildly apologetic before she kicked him in the shins, standing in complete balance and poise despite wearing four-inch heels.

* * *

The living area was of a modern design, entirely sensible and minimalistic. The kitchen was clean and full of shiny equipment, and the bedrooms (there were two, the master and the guest) that were tastefully decorated.

Kai caught on right away that the place didn't feel like a married couple's home. It was too… barren.

Evie carried on, looking oblivious as always, but Kai suspected that she had arrived to the same conclusion about her friend as he did.

"And for dinner, we'll have stir-fry beef and vegetables, and rice. I hope you can eat that, uhm, Kai." Ceara seemed unsure on how to treat his sudden presence, since she had clearly planned for only herself and Evie, but Kai shrugged slightly and smiled lightly at the harried woman.

"It's fine."

Evie chose that moment to butt in. "My brother can eat anything! Did I tell you about that one time–"

Kai took the opportunity to stomp on Evie's foot, now that they weren't wearing shoes.

* * *

Dinner was a strained affair that was broken only by Evie's insistence in talking between every other bite of food and catching up on every miniscule detail that she missed during her absence. Kai responded whenever he was directly asked something, but beyond that he remained silent and let his younger sister decided the flow of the conversation. With Evie clearly in charge, however, Ceara seemed to finally relax and lost some of the tension in her expression and was even warming up to Kai.

Just as dinner plates were cleared from the table and Evie was inching towards the alcohol cabinet that was in the dining room, the front door to the condo opened.

"Sorry I'm late! Ceara? Are you home?"

"In the dining room, Marrec!"

A vaguely red-headed man in a fitted suit walked into the dining room and kissed Ceara on the cheek. Then, he addressed Evie and Kai.

"Oh, hello! You two are Ceara's friends, right?"

"Yes! I'm Evie," Evie accepted the handshake enthusiastically. "And this is my brother, Kai."

Kai purposely squeezed a little harder than normal during the handshake and inwardly reveled in the slight wince on the redheaded man's face. Now that Kai knew of the reason behind the sad looks that Ceara and Evie had shared during their conversations, he spared no expense in torturing the poor man.

"Kai's making us a drink for our wedding anniversary."

"That's great! Since I've eaten already, and it looks like you did too, we can get started!"

As Kai drew out some expensive and old bottles of alcohol from the cabinet, Ceara handed a long envelope to Marrec with a sad smile on her face as she told him to open it later. The man was completely oblivious to the sad look and accepted the gift with a smile.

"The drink I will make is called a Bijou, which is French for _jewel_." Kai brought three bottles of alcohol and pointed to each one as he poured the appropriate amounts into two long flute glasses. "Gin for a diamond, Vermouth for ruby, and a Chartreuse for emerald."

Ceara startled at the mention of the jewels and looked at Kai in surprise, before the sad look came back and she turned her gaze down to her hands. Marrec didn't notice the movements of his wife, his attention entirely taken up by the pouring of the liquor.

"Woah, they really do look like jewels!" Marrec marveled at the colors that stacked perfectly on top of each other.

"Thank you for this, but he won't understand." Ceara's hands were clasped together on top of the table, now, and her drink stood untouched. On Evie's face dawned an understanding after she looked at Ceara's hands, and then at her brother with an incredulous look on her face.

"What?" Marrec looked at his wife and then at Kai. "Understand what?"

Ceara turned to look at Marrec, that sad smile still on her face as she unlaced her fingers and spread them flat against the glass tabletop of the dinner table. "Evie and her brother noticed, but you haven't."

"Notice?" Marrec was looking, finally _looking_ at Ceara, and then his confused expression turned to one of horror. He took the envelope that she had given him and opened it, which revealed a packet of divorce papers.

Ceara seemed to be on the verge of crying. "My best friend noticed, and someone I just met today noticed, but you didn't notice that I haven't worn my ring for almost four months, now."

Kai hoped that the man wouldn't lash out. He'd seen many post-divorcees drinking their sorrows away in his bar, and the end result usually wasn't very nice to look at.

Marrec's expression darkened, but then sobered into one of sadness as he stared into his untouched drink. After a moment, he spoke quietly, as if he had run out of energy, "…Did you know that your parents objected to our relationship?"

"What?" Ceara's eyes went wide. "I – No, they didn't. My parents wouldn't…"

Marrec turned to look at his wife. "I worked hard every single day, every _night_ at the company, to prove them wrong! Do you understand? I didn't have time to _come home_! I couldn't… if I couldn't prove them wrong, that I was capable of taking care of you every day…"

"The Bijou actually has another name." Feeling that enough was enough, Kai took the moment to intervene and took back the two flute glasses. To everyone else's consternation, he poured the contents of the glasses into a mixing pitcher filled with ice and began stirring slowly.

"The Amber Dream."

Within no time, the colors blended together into a beautiful, gold-colored hue. Half of the newly mixed liquid was then poured into a single cocktail glass, and Kai pushed the glass forward gently with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Ambers, although not particularly expensive or pretty, take thousands of years to form into a different kind of beauty – one that is made through the lasting memories of coexistence even when time seems to slow to a crawl. It is the same for relationships; despite the differences, don't we all just want to share our lives together with someone who is willing to come along?"

Marrec and Ceara sat, with tears in their eyes, as they looked at the amber liquid as if it was the answer to all of their problems. Evie stared at her brother, as if truly seeing him for the first time.

Suddenly, the shrill tone of a cellphone blaring from Marrec's jacket pocket startled everyone. Ceara turned away, knowing exactly what the call would mean.

Marrec picked up the phone and listened for a brief moment. Then, he said, "I understand… but, please, let me have this moment with my wife! This moment is more important than any contract!"

After a moment, he hung up the phone with a determined look on his face. Ceara had a mixture of awe and unbelievable happiness on her face.

Kai poured the remainder of the liquid from the mixing pitcher into another cocktail glass and set it down next to its partner. "Enjoy."

Marrec and Ceara each took one glass, clinked the rims together, and downed the deliciously smooth drinks in a single gulp.

Marrec was the first to finish, and he set the glass down on the table with a strange gentleness. "I'm sorry for making you feel so bad, for so long."

"I'm sorry, too." Ceara took the divorce papers and ripped them in half with a tearful smile. "We won't need these anymore."

"We're leaving." Kai spared only a single look over his shoulder at the preoccupied couple as he steered his gaping sister out the front door and into the elevator.

Evie said nothing and stared at her feet with an indecipherable look on her face all the way to the nearest light rail station. For several minutes in complete silence, they sat down at the benches waiting for the last tram to rumble over.

"Thank you. For helping Ceara." Evie sniffed into the sleeve of her coat.

Kai said nothing as he let his younger sister lean against his arm.

"I should've told you, before we left the cafe, I mean, I didn't think it would've gotten that bad… but then you _helped_ them. Helped _her_."

Kai still said nothing.

He didn't need to.


	3. Chapter 3

╣ **Chapter Three **╠

* * *

_**Four Months Later...**_

It was nearly two in the morning; it was way past the usual closing time, and all of Kai's regulars had already come and gone with their respective drinks…

…except for one man.

The said man was horribly, _horribly_ late, as his usual arrival time was at around 9:00, sharp. Kai couldn't help but glance at his watch again as a solitary minute passed by with an agonizing slowness.

_I should clean up… why am I even waiting… he's not coming…_

For the lack of anything else to do, seeing as his trainees had actually cleaned everything thoroughly for once, Kai pulled out his messenger bag and rifled through the pockets before pulling out a rubber-banded stack of business cards that was nearly 4-inches thick.

The cards were all the same shape, size, color, and all had come from the same person. The only difference was that each card had different pick-up lines written on the back. Whether or not the messages were tastefully charming or utterly ridiculous and corny, however, was a whole different story.

Well, the stack of cards he was holding in his hands _was_ partly his fault, mostly because he didn't exactly discourage the man from leaving more after the first one… and it's been nearly four months since then…

Going through the stack in no particular order, Kai reread some of the cards:

* * *

_Have you got a map? _

_Cause I'm lost in your eyes._

_### – 947 – 4285_

_(Kai snorted at this one.)_

* * *

_I don't have a library card,_

_But do you mind if I check you out?_

_### – 947 – 4285_

_(Now this was just really corny.)_

* * *

_My shirt is made of boyfriend material._

_### – 947 – 4285_

_(This one actually made Kai grin because he had a vague idea on how much the man's dress shirts cost.)_

* * *

_You owe me a drink, since I _

_Dropped mine when you walked by._

_### – 947 – 4285_

_(This one made him smile, just a bit.)_

* * *

_I see you've got some tequila, does that_

_Mean you want to give me a shot?_

_### – 947 – 4285_

_(If he were any less of the man he was today, Kai's resolve would've crumbled at this one.)_

* * *

The door opened to the bar opened, and Kai was startled out of his thoughts, the cards dropping to the counter.

The man he was waiting for stumbled in, sopping wet from head to toe and utterly soaked to the bone through his raincoat.

Kai grabbed one of the clean towels he always kept underneath the counter in case of large spills – which wasn't often, but it still happened, sometimes.

"Sssorry… f-f-for ma-k-king you w-wait…" The man staggered over to his usual seat and practically collapsed into the bar.

"Jacket. Off."

The man seemed confused at first, but then Kai held up the fluffy towel. The exchange was made, and the soaked jacket squelched onto the bar counter a moment later.

"T-t-thankssss…" The towel was wrapped around the man's head and he furiously scrubbed at his hair.

Kai tried really, _really_ hard not to stare at the way the man's dress shirt, made nearly translucent by the rain, was clinging to his body and _oh god, don't look, don't look_…

"I-I-I-I had t-to ssstay back 'cause of s-some prob-b-blems w-with the c-cont-t-t-tracts, and, and, I d-didn't realize h-h-how long it w-would t-t-take…"

"It's fine." Kai brought out another clean towel and draped it on the man's back. The other man drew the towel closer; he was clearly beyond freezing, but the towels were the best Kai could do here. "I'll raise the thermostat."

"Y-you d-don't hav—" The man made a movement to get up, but then collapsed like a ragdoll. Kai barely got there in time (_he vaulted over the bar counter, scuff marks be damned!_) to prevent the man from smashing the back of his skull onto the hardwood flooring.

Kai slowly set the man down – he wasn't surprised that he was incredibly heavy – and checked his eyes and his forehead. The pupils were dilated, and the man was practically burning up.

_He was sick! Why the hell did he come here, in the freezing rain, while __**sick**__! Should I get him to the hospital? No, the closest hospital is nearly an hour away… my apartment's only fifteen… I still have some cold medicine and fever-reducers leftover from a while ago, and if they're expired there's a pharmacy store just a couple of blocks away…_

Running a hand across his face, Kai made his decision and grabbed his keys and his cellphone from his messenger bag, cracked his knuckles, and did his best to hoist the man's 220 lbs of dead weight onto his shoulder.

Dragging the man out the back door and sliding him into the back seat of his car took nearly ten minutes, but at least the streets were clear and Kai was able to buy some more medicine from the store and get back to his apartment – thank God he lived on the ground floor – within half an hour.

Once he had dragged the man inside and taken off their shoes, Kai dumped the man on his bed (before that, however, he left the man on the ground, grabbed all the clean towels from the bathroom, and laid them on the bed) and peeled the wet clothes off him.

Now, Kai might be a man, but he wasn't one to take advantage of others. That was good news for the almost-naked man buried underneath all the blankets Kai had in his possession in his bed.

Kai dragged his desk chair over to the side of the bed and made himself comfortable with a wet cloth and a bowl of cool water in his lap. His phone's alarm was set to wake him up every hour in case he accidentally fell asleep, seeing as he had to wait until the man was vaguely conscious in order to administer the cold-and-fever medicine he had bought.

* * *

It was mildly disconcerting that the first thing the man said, upon being truly lucid for the first time in several hours, was, "This was not the way I imagined finally getting into your bed."

When the man woke up five hours later from that, it was, "Call me Hurk. We've moved past being strangers, haven't we? Come snuggle with me…"

Kai wasn't surprised that the third time he regained actual consciousness (_it was well past noon of the following day_), the next thing out of Hurk's mouth (_aside from the dopey grin_) was, "Has anyone told you that you have such pretty eyes?"

Kai was beginning to think that either the man wasn't really as sick as he looked, or that all of it was just the medicine talking.

No one can just recover from a serious cold over a single night. _No one_.

And yet… _that bastard…!_

"I'm cold, come warm me up!"

_(Kai piled on another blanket, and Hurk pouted.)_

"I'd get better faster if you were in here with me."

_(Kai simply stared, completely unimpressed.)_

"You need a nap, I need a nap, we can take a nap together!"

_(Kai sighed and tried really hard not to smile at this one.)_

After the ninth request for another tissue (_not the box, just one tissue, thank you very much_), Kai said, without any malice at all, "Go fuck yourself," and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

At the end of his shower, Kai realized he didn't have any towels because Hurk was sitting on top of all of them.

He could _feel_ Hurk's perverted grin through the bathroom door.

"My mouth hurts, can you kiss it better for me?!"

That was the last straw.

"_God fucking damn it_, are you trying to kill me?!" Kai stormed out of the bathroom, nudity-be-damned, and took Hurk's momentary distraction to steal a blanket off the pile and wrap it around his waist for a modicum of modesty.

"No, I've been trying to date you for the past four months!"

Kai sat down on the desk chair and ran a hand down his face. "You're persistent."

"And I like you." Hurk's expression, for once, was entirely serious.

"What is this, high school? Pick up lines? Really? You're a grown man, for God's sake!"

"Don't tell me you didn't like them."

"…"

"…"

"… Fine."

"What?"

"I'll date you."

"…"

"Speechless? You don't have anything to say, now? No ridiculous pic— _mmrph_!"


	4. Extra

_I'd encourage those who enjoyed this fic to go to my AO3's version and look at my awesome tags._

* * *

╣ **Extra **╠

* * *

_**The Next Day...**_

When Kai walked into the bar, the first thing he saw was Vella and Lann whispering over something they were hunched over.

"Did you two find a cat in the alley again?"

Lann startled so hard that he barely caught himself from jumping a full foot in the air. Vella, on the other hand, smirked devilishly at Kai.

Kai did not like that particular look one bit.

"So…" Vella sidled up to him with all the grace of a hungry predator after Kai had shrugged off his jacket and tie.

"What?" Kai hung up his jacket and tie on the door hook. Lann, on the other hand, escaped into the backroom, babbling something about getting more ice.

Vella leaned in as close as she dared to, which was way too close for Kai's comfort zone, and flashed a handful of white business cards in front of his face.

"Did you bang him?"

_Shit, shit, he had left the cards there last night. He had completely forgotten about them…_

With as straight as a face as he possibly could keep, Kai deadpanned, "No, we snuggled on the couch watching chick flicks. Have you two cleaned up everything yet?"

Vella's split-second transition from smugness to confusion was something he wanted to frame and hang on the wall.

"Wait… you're joking, aren't you? But you never joke! …Oh god, you DID bang him!"

"…I'm going to check the back."


End file.
